“I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space
travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs
and leave the room.” -Ray Bradbury
So, I went on hiatus again. I forget about this thing, honestly, but here I am again. I've been caught up on this whole lack of life thing I have going on. It's a bummer, but you know... Whatevs. No big thing. It'll all come together shortly. We'll pick up and move, and with good luck I'll find some more people I can trick into thinking I'm normal!
I've been doing this whole Zumba thing. It's absolutely ridiculous. I can't dance. What the hell is wrong with me? Why in the frigging world did I think spending way too much money on this "Special Deal!!!" was going to be fun? Negative. Not fun. And on another note it makes me feel like my ass cheeks are going to fall off. I did Insanity, too, there for awhile. I have a new outlook on life after that. It goes something like this: Fuck you, Shaun T. My God. I totally get why it's called "Insanity." You have to be insane to enjoy it. Those happy bubbly people are total 100% liars. Not about the weight loss and whatnots. Oh, no. You lose weight, but I think it's because everything inside your body begins trying to flee to avoid the pain you're putting it through. They're liars because I don't know how they are even standing there all upright and stuff in the infomercials. I was lucky to roll myself into the shower after I was done. No way could I stand up and smile and talk simultaneously. They have to be held up by strings or something.
Maybe I should just give up on trying to torture myself into shape. It's spring time (kind of). I could just chase my two-year-old around for a couple days and lose approximately 93.2 pounds. He's got enough energy for seven people. Seriously, if I could bottle that, I would be a millionaire. It's like he wakes up on fast forward. We have some cereal, watch like 2.8 seconds of PBS, I have exactly 1% of the caffeine I need to keep up, and then WHOOSH! Off he goes. Mom, I go outside? Mom, you play with me? Mom, we run? Sorry, baby, Mommy doesn't even know her name right now. Sit Still! Thirty seconds, child. Please. Please?! I'm also lucky enough to have mobile twins. Of course they can't want to go in the same direction that the other one just went in. I feel like I've lost it completely some days. You know... Sit the babies down, run off to grab sippy cups, come back, and stare into a babyless area. All I can think is, "I sat them right. there." Then, the Great Baby Chase begins. There is a lot of me wishing I participated properly in gym class when I was in high school involved. But, alas, hand-eye coordination and moving quickly were never exactly my forté... Until now, but that's only because it was forced upon me because, apparently, they're my children's. God help me.
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